How to Tame Negative Self-Talk ("Head Trash") in Leadership and Reclaim Your Workweek

Why Tackling Negative Self-Talk ("Head trash") in Leadership Matters More Than You Think

A woman seated at a desk reclaiming her work week and removing "head trash" and negative self-talk

If you're new to my blog or coaching philosophy, you might be wondering: What exactly is “head trash?” It’s a phrase I use all the time with my clients—especially women in business and real estate—to describe the limiting stories we tell ourselves. These stories aren’t necessarily true, but they feel true. And they shape how we show up, how we lead, and what we believe we’re capable of.

I use the term so often that my five-year-old son recently used “head trash” in a sentence. At dinner. I nearly dropped my fork. It was a reminder that little ears are always listening—but also a sign that maybe, just maybe, these messages of self-kindness are sinking in for more than just my clients.

" Head trash is sneaky. It disguises itself as logic and responsibility. But more often than not, it’s fear in costume."

When Head Trash Hijacks Your Schedule

Lately, I’ve been in my own battle with head trash. For months, I kept thinking: My Mondays aren’t working.

I’ve structured my business to provide one-on-one coaching to every agent on my real estate team—and I was doing it all on Mondays. As our team has grown, so did the list of coaching calls. I found myself glued to my Zoom screen from morning till night. I ate breakfast and lunch at my desk. I barely moved. I had no white space to think, strategize, or breathe.

It wasn’t just exhausting. It was unsustainable. I love coaching my team and helping them build successful businesses, but I started dreading Mondays. The “Sunday Scaries” crept back in—something I thought I’d left behind in my corporate days.

And yet, I waited.

I knew something had to change, but I didn’t act. Why?

Because of head trash.

The Stories That Hold Us Back

I told myself:

 If I stop offering one-on-one coaching, my team will be upset.

 They’ll feel unsupported.

 They’ll leave. The business will fall apart.

Those thoughts—none of them grounded in reality—kept me stuck for weeks. Even though I had a solid plan for how to restructure our team coaching format to make it more sustainable (and actually more valuable), I hesitated. I spiraled. I procrastinated.

This is the danger of unchecked head trash: it keeps us stuck in fear, clinging to old patterns that no longer serve us.

A woman leading with no head trash or negative self-talk holding her back

A Better Way to Lead

I finally took the leap.

I had honest conversations with my team about the new structure: a hybrid model of weekly group coaching with one-on-one check-ins as needed. I explained my goals—to serve them better and to preserve my own energy and effectiveness as a leader.

And you know what?

They loved it.

The feedback was incredible. We had open, heartfelt conversations about what’s working, what’s not, and what they need to keep growing. The day that started with a pit in my stomach ended in joy, clarity, and connection.

This morning, I opened my calendar and saw a wide-open Monday next week for the first time in over a year.

Instead of anxiety, I felt excitement.

Why This Matters (Especially for Women in Business)

This story isn’t just about my calendar—it’s about how we lead.

Whether you’re building a real estate team, scaling your business, or growing a referral network, the way you think impacts the way you lead. Burnout doesn’t happen overnight—it creeps in when we ignore the signals and override our own needs.

As women, we’re often conditioned to equate self-sacrifice with success. We overextend ourselves to prove our worth, to avoid disappointing others, or to avoid being seen as “too much” or “not enough.”

But here’s the truth: You can’t serve others well if you’re running on empty.

Creating boundaries, redesigning your calendar, or asking for support doesn’t make you weak. It makes you wise. It makes you sustainable as a leader.

Try This: A Mindset Reset

If you’re stuck in a cycle of overwhelm, here’s a quick exercise I give my coaching clients:

1. Notice the story. What are you telling yourself about why you can’t change something?

2. Challenge it. Ask: Is this story true? What’s the worst-case scenario—and how likely is it?

3. Replace it. Try a new thought: What if changing this made everything better—for me and everyone around me?

This small shift can open the door to braver conversations and better business decisions.

Remember this

Head trash is sneaky. It disguises itself as logic and responsibility. But more often than not, it’s fear in costume.

When we face those fears, challenge those assumptions, and speak honestly—with ourselves and with others—we create space for growth, joy, and alignment.

So if you’re feeling stuck, burned out, or like something in your schedule just isn’t working, take a closer look. What’s the story underneath? And what would happen if you let it go?

You might just surprise yourself—and create the space for what really matters.

Image of Elizabeth Convery

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